


all the stars we steal from the night sky

by didacticinstruction



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, ends up okay tho because i am a sap, if by okay i mean still stuck on a deserted island which objectively is not that okay tbh, it's a little angsty, toni is an astronomer at heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 09:02:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28579425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/didacticinstruction/pseuds/didacticinstruction
Summary: Toni's loved the stars since she was little. There was something about how predictable the sky was, once she learned to read it. How comforting it was to have something she fully understood.
Relationships: Martha Blackburn & Toni Shalifoe, Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 30
Kudos: 212





	all the stars we steal from the night sky

**Author's Note:**

> i couldn’t get the image of toni actually loving stars out of my head, and the planetarium example was a bit too specific for her to have made it up on the spot so ... this is the result! none of this was researched so any mistakes about astronomy or minnesota or deserted islands etc. is on me and my own limited knowledge. 
> 
> this is assuming that agent young wasn’t lying to them, that they are in near peru, in the southern hemisphere.

_age 8_

Toni wasn’t sure what to say.

Her new foster dad wore square glasses and a soft smile on his face as he knelt in front of her, his wife standing back, a smile on her face too.

It was confusing — usually she didn’t have adults paying this much attention to her, and she still wasn’t sure how much she liked it. The way he looked at her was different though: less expectant, more gentle.

She didn’t know what to think of it, honestly. Even at eight years old, she knew what to expect from most adults. Toni knew that they were waiting for her to mess up so they could leave her, like her mom. Or send her away, like the first two foster families. This calm acceptance just didn’t make any sense. 

She tentatively grabbed the book he was holding out, moving very deliberately so he knew she wasn’t being bad. She had been punished for moving too quick, for being disrespectful, before, and though these new foster parents hadn’t hit her yet, it didn’t mean that they never would.

Toni traced the embossed letters on the front cover and looked quickly back up at Mr. Davis — or wait, Henry, he had said she could call him. 

His smile grew at her wide eyes. “I noticed you looking at the telescope in the living room and thought you might like to learn a bit more about the stars. I could teach you what I know, if you wanted.”

Toni’s eyes stayed wide as they darted back to the book in her hands, and she nodded fervently, gasping out a quiet _yes, please_. 

Henry offered Toni his hand, and she took it carefully. He led her up to the front porch, settled in front of the telescope, and set it up. She carefully lined up her eye to the lens, leaned forward, and fell in love from the first glimpse. 

Every night for the next two months, Henry and Toni would sit out on the porch while his wife, Clara, clucked over them and brought them blankets and freshly baked cookies. Henry taught Toni where to start looking, what to look for, how to read the sky as it changed. 

Toni pored over the book Henry had given her every night before falling asleep, her tired head nodding off over well loved pages. Bundled up on a porch swing in between her foster parents, Toni learned myths and legends and the dreams of people long gone, all hung up in pretty twinkling lights far away. 

She learned about sailors, and how they followed Polaris due north, called it the North Star, and let it guide them home. She learned to greet Venus every morning and every night, not a star at all, but one of the brightest lights in the sky. 

But her secret favorite, ever since Henry told her its story, was Sirius, the brightest star in the sky. The Dog Star galloped across the sky, and Henry taught her its path, from the southeast, across southern sky to set in the southwest in the misty early mornings. 

“Always close to Orion’s Belt, always easy to find,” Henry would whisper to her when she would proudly point it out to him, a smile stretching wide on both their faces. “If you ever get lost in the sky, look for the brightest little light. Sirius will keep you company until you find your way.”

Christmas came and went with Henry and Clara’s grown children visiting. They were more like the adults Toni was used to, polite but distant, and with not much time for her at all. She didn’t pay them much mind. Adults were strange and unknowable as a rule, and anyway, she had Henry and Clara so she didn’t need to try to understand them. But before she went to bed, she heard arguing from the kitchen, and Henry’s usually calm voice began to rise in anger.

“—and she’s just a little girl, she deserves a stable family, and by God, I’m going to do what I can to give it to her!” 

“I hear you, Dad, but you and Mom are getting older. Is it fair to _her_ if something happened to you? She’d be out on the street _again_. Aren’t you keeping her away from a family who might really want her?”

“ _We_ want her. Your mother and I love Toni as much as we love you, and she’s a child who needs us. I wanted to let you know we were hoping to adopt her, but I wasn’t asking for your opinion. That’s the end of this discussion.”

Toni snuck out of the room when she heard Henry get up, running as quietly as she could back to her room.

They wanted her. They _loved_ her. Not even her own mother had ever alluded to anything like that.

She lay down in bed and tried to still her racing heart as she listened to Henry’s footsteps creak up the stairs. He paused at her door, watching her back for a second. He let out a deep sigh and whispered, “Sleep well, honey,” before pulling the door closed behind him. Toni fell asleep with a smile on her face. 

She woke up two days before the New Year to the sound of ambulance sirens in the front yard and Clara sobbing loudly. 

Springing out of bed as fast as she could, she made her way downstairs and found Henry splayed out, pale and stiller than should have been possible, the telescope broken in pieces beside him. 

The EMTs swarmed the kitchen and lifted him onto a gurney, Clara followed them, wringing her hands. Toni stood by, overlooked and left behind, panic rising in her throat, tears burning in her eyes. 

She was in a new home three days later, a small suitcase in hand, the book from Henry in her hand, and the memory of Clara’s grieving face etched permanently in her mind.

_age 12_

There was a sick dread building up in her stomach. 

She had lost her temper. There was no other way about it. 

Toni had lost her temper, _again_ , and she had run away before they hit her again. Or worse, before they did what they had done to that other kid, who had stopped talking two days after she arrived—

A violent shudder ran through her, her teeth chattering as she brought her knees up to her chest and pulled her mom’s old jacket tighter around her body. Racking her brain for a place to sleep that night was taking more energy than it should have. 

She had no other real options though, did she. They were going to force her in with another family, take her somewhere else she wouldn’t belong and no one wanted her, where she would have to fight for every scrap she'd get. Another foster home. She had no idea how her social worker had found these last people, but it was obvious that they were running out of places for Toni. 

She felt her heartbeat pick up, pounding audibly in her chest. What was going to happen to her? Winter was falling soon and the nighttimes were already intolerably cold. The rusty, closed down trailer park she was hiding in was definitely not Minnesota winter proof, or there would probably be a lot more people around. 

Toni quickly brushed the tears out of the corners of her eyes before they froze and tilted her head skywards, taking a deep breath. She tried to quell the rising panic, going through the familiar paces as she stared at the sky.

There was Sirius, her old friend at the bottom of the sky, leading her eyes up, lighting up the night, and Orion’s belt right above it. She found Taurus beside Orion, and Castor and Pollux the twins of Gemini, and her breathing evened out. 

Toni felt herself begin to relax as the Big Dipper twinkled kindly down at her, and then Polaris was overhead, the tail end of the Little Dipper, and she knew where she was. She could breathe, and she could think again, and there was time to make a plan still. The pit in her stomach was smaller, she could swallow around the lump in her throat, and she nodded heavenward in a silent thanks.

A crunch came from somewhere behind her, tires on a gravel path, and she tensed, grabbed her bag and got ready to run before she heard a familiar, sweet voice call out her name. 

“Toni? We heard what happened, are you okay?” Martha called. “Where are you?”

“Marty?” Toni croaked out weakly, her voice breaking from unshed tears. “Marty, I’m over here.” 

She waited a moment, head dropping to her knees in sudden exhaustion. Martha was here, which meant Mrs. Blackburn was here too. Which meant she would have a place to sleep tonight. She would have a meal in her stomach and someone to hug her if she ended up crying before she fell asleep. Martha’s footsteps grew louder against the gravel ground. 

Shaking her head with a fond smile, Martha exclaimed, “I was worried about you, idiot! You can’t run away without telling me you’re going.”

“Sorry,” Toni said, forcing a hoarse chuckle out. “I wasn’t exactly...thinking when I ran out of there.”

Martha paused, hands twitching, before something in her eyes became set and firm. She took a deep breath and said, “I know you don’t want to bother us, Toni. My mom says you’re too proud to ask for help. But if that home was that bad you _have_ to tell us. Just because the state won’t let you live with us forever doesn’t mean we can’t help you when you need it. You’re like the sister I’ve always wanted.” 

“You know you have sisters, right?” Toni joked weakly, wiping roughly before any traitorous tears could fall. 

“Yeah, sure,” Martha laughed. “But I didn’t choose them the way I chose you. C’mon, you’re coming home with us.”

Toni stood up slowly, unsteady on her feet, Bambi learning to walk, learning who to trust. She picked up her backpack, and followed Martha to the car.

_age 14_

She didn’t think she had ever wanted something so _badly_. 

Her freshman science class was going to the planetarium and there were going to be real life astronomers there. They were going to get to watch the show on the inside of the dome that she had been dreaming of since she was eight years old. Martha laughed across the table at how giddy Toni looked, signaling her with her eyes to tone it down just a bit until the break. 

When the bell finally rang, everyone in the class sprang up excitedly, until the teacher’s voice cut through the haze, asking them all to sit back down so he could pass out the permission slips. 

“I need these by Friday! Signed by a parent or guardian, or you won’t be able to come on the trip! This is very important, guys, we want to make sure you all get to come on this tripe, it’s a fun one!” he announced, teacher voice at full volume.

Martha thanked him as he handed her a piece of paper and stood up to leave the classroom, expecting Toni to be right beside her. When Toni wasn’t there, Martha turned back in confusion, only to see Toni sitting perfectly still in her seat, staring at the permission slip in front of her. 

“Toni? What’s up?” she asked, reaching a gentle hand to touch Toni’s unnaturally still shoulders. Usually Toni was movement personified; her every moment was spent in graceful motion, arms electrified, body wired. To see her sitting stiffly, barely breathing, felt wrong. 

“They won’t sign this,” Toni muttered. 

“Who?” Martha asked.

Toni’s head bowed slightly, robotically. “My fuckin’...the new foster parents. They won’t fucking sign the permission slip. I can’t even ask them.”

“Did something happen? Do you need a place to go?” Martha, already on defense mode, started getting her phone out, prepared to text her mom to get Toni’s mattress ready. 

“Nah,” Toni muttered. “Nah, Marty, it’s fine. I don’t want to go to the planetarium. It’s kid shit anyway.” And she stood up quickly, moving as if to leave the room. Martha blocked her, putting a hand on her arm. 

“Toni...” she said cautiously. “You’ve been saving up to go to the planetarium since I’ve known you. What’s going on?”

“Fuck Marty! I just don’t want to go anymore, alright?! We’re not babies anymore,” Toni gritted out, jaw clenching. She was edging towards anger, but trying to keep it down; there was no way in hell she would let all the ugly rage she had inside her spill out onto Martha. 

But Martha knew Toni was holding back, and she wasn’t having it. 

“Listen, I know something’s going on. You don’t have to tell me, but I _know_ you. I know you want this trip. If your foster parents won’t sign it, you can ask my mom—”

“Fucking drop it Marty!” Toni shouted, face red. “I said I don’t fucking _care_.”

She stormed out of the room, permission slip crumpled into a tight ball in her hand. Toni’s head was swimming, anger seeping its way into her peripheral vision, blinding her. She shoved her way roughly through the halls, unaware of the path of destruction she was leaving in her wake, til she felt strong hands on her shoulders. Toni jerked away from the hands before she could think better of it and went to yell at the person the hands were attached to when she recognized the stern set of the jaw of the basketball coach. 

“Ooh, uh, Coach Bell, I’m sorry, I didn’t see you—” she stammered, shaken out of her anger by the suddenness of the encounter. She had tried out for the team a few weeks earlier, and had gotten on, but was still trying to understand her place in the team dynamics as a freshman. 

“It’s fine, Toni,” he said, “I was actually just looking for you. I wanted to talk to you about the game next week. If you’re ready, I’d like you to start the game. What do you think?”

The emotional turmoil of the day was really playing with her, Toni thought furiously, too many fucking ups and downs to keep track of. 

“I’m ready, Coach, I promise,” she responded, mind running a mile a minute.

“Good kid,” he smiled at her, his stern facade falling away slightly. “I know you’re a hard worker, we just have to make sure you get all your passion out on the court. I’ll see you at practice tonight!”

Before he could fully walk away, Toni made a split second decision, reaching out and grabbing his arm. 

“Actually — actually Coach, could I ask you for a favor? We have a trip to the planetarium coming up,” and Toni took a deep breath, steeling herself, “and I...well I don’t have anyone to sign my permission slip, so I thought maybe you could help me out? I really don’t want to miss this trip, Coach.”

Coach Bell looked at her for a second, taking in her nervous hands smoothing out the wrinkled permission slip. He looked around for a moment and ducked down to get closer to her, moving to read the permission slip. 

“I know what your home life is like, Toni, I won’t lie. I do a lot of research before I pick my team, and I know that things aren’t easy right now. Your mom was just re-admitted, right?” he asked, quietly. 

Toni gave a tight nod, trying as hard as she could to stop her lower lip from trembling. 

“I’m sorry kid. That can’t be easy. But I don’t know that there’s anything that I can do. If your foster parents won’t sign the slip, I don’t think I have any authority here. I’m real sorry Toni,” he told her as he straightened back up and handed the paper back to Toni’s shaking hands. 

All at once, he watched all of the air get sucked out of Toni’s lungs. Her shoulders slumped, she nodded, turned to walk away, before throwing a quiet, “thanks, see you at practice, Coach” over her shoulder. 

She walked back to her foster home after practice that night. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky and the stars were the brightest they’d been all season. Toni stuffed her hands in the pockets of her mom’s jacket and kept her head down. 

_age 16_

That thing with Regan? It was _good_. 

It was almost more “good” than she was used to allowing in her life, and while that was scary, holding Regan’s hand took the edge of it. She knew that Regan made her better, kept her even-keel. It definitely didn't hurt that Regan’s family was kind enough to let her stay with them. It really felt like nothing would ruin them. 

Toni’s days at school were better than ever, Martha and Regan by her side, getting along like a house on fire. The basketball team was on a winning streak, Toni falling easily into her role as captain. Her mom stayed conveniently out of sight. Things were going well. 

Even on the days where her anger would rise up, Regan made sure to hold her hand. Toni had never claimed to be the world’s fastest learner, but she did think she was getting better. Most days when the idiot boys in the hall leered at her and Regan’s joined hands, she could walk past them. Most times, when she saw graffiti in the school bathroom, she could ignore it. Even at work, where the old men felt like being the assholes that they were, told her to smile, she managed to not spit in their food. 

She’d been doing better. She really had.

And saying it over and over helped her feel like she wasn't just shoving all her rage and problems and _fucking_ baggage under a rug so that Regan wouldn’t be scared of her. But really, that was a problem for a later time, and thinking about it would only serve to disturb the equilibrium she had so painstakingly built. Anyway, she knew that she could be gentle because she’d never hurt Martha, right? She could control herself around Regan too. 

Every Saturday was date night, since Fridays were reserved for the basketball games and Regan’s halftime performances with the band. They traded who's turn it was to plan the date, and sure, most times they ended up going to the movies, but it was always beautiful and they laughed and shared popcorn and Toni really thought she might be completely in love. 

She wasn’t sure, of course. She hadn’t really known what love like this was supposed to look like. The only examples of love she had were in the Blackburn family and Henry and Clara in what felt like a whole different lifetime. She had loved them and she always loved the Blackburn family, but Regan was different. 

With Regan she felt all of the cliches that Martha pulled off of cheesy Instagram posts, that she had only seen in movies, that she read in all of her myth-seeking and soul-searching over the years. She felt too cold when Regan would get up and there was nothing pressed firmly against her hip anymore. She burned with the force of a thousand supernovas when Regan kissed her, pressed up close, Regan’s hands on Toni’s face, keeping the force of the explosion intact for a while. 

She felt like she knew how to read Regan’s moods, knew how to track her best moments and her worst moments, and was learning what worked to bring Regan’s smile back. But mostly she felt safe. It was a new feeling for her and she hoped to revel in it for as long as she could. 

And she wanted to tell Regan. So she planned a date, borrowed the Blackburn’s picnic basket, and when Regan picked her up, Toni gave her directions to her favorite stargazing spot near the old trailer park she used to hide in as a kid. 

Toni revealed that she had brought blankets and pillows and food. Regan turned on some of her grandmother’s old people music in the background and the two girls cuddled up close and laid back, looking up to the sky. 

Toni took a deep breath and found Sirius, waiting for her at the bottom edge of the sky, faithful as ever. She let him lead her eyes skyward, breathing gentle greetings into the empty space as the stars smiled a shy hello. When Regan laughingly admitted that she didn’t know exactly where to start, Toni smiled at her, grabbed her hand and turned Regan’s pointer finger up.

“My favorite foster dad taught me to always start with Sirius. He’s part of a constellation called Canis Major, and he was Orion’s hunting dog, special enough to earn a place next to him in the stars. And over there is Orion’s belt. He’s holding a bow and arrow, hunting even in his place in the sky. And you see that star, the really bright one, up high? That’s Polaris, the North Star. Sailors used that to guide them at night when the skies were clear.”

And so Toni went on, explaining all of the stories she could remember, pointing out all of the constellations she had spent years learning how to read. She felt Regan breathing evenly beside her, eyes skyward, hand still firmly in Toni’s as they traced the patterns of the constellations. 

When Toni finally fell quiet, stories spent, Regan was quiet for a second. She kept her hand on Toni’s, stroking softly, and Toni kept her eyes glued to the stars, breathing into the still serenity of the night. 

“I love you,” Regan breathed out, a little rushed, but steady and sure all the same. 

Unbidden, a small smile sprang to Toni’s lips, her breathing quickening. She turned to look at her beautiful girlfriend, her first love. She moved closer to Regan’s ear, planted a quick kiss on Regan’s temple, and whispered, “I love you too,” as if it was the easiest thing in the world. 

For once it really felt like it could be. 

  
  


_age 17_

Polaris wasn’t fucking there. 

It had been, objectively, at least in the top five of Toni’s all time shittiest days. 

She had fallen out of the sky, onto a deserted island with a bunch of fucking weirdos (Martha excluded, of course, but she was on thin ice with all of the blonde bimbo worship), one of the girls had _died_ and they had to bury her, and then Polaris, the North Star that was supposed to show her the _fucking way home_ just decided that the sky didn’t need it anymore. 

Tears pushed at the corners of her eyes as she sat beside a resting Martha. All of the other girls were somewhere else and she could hear them talking about Jeanette? maybe? and a phone, but it wasn’t sinking in. The night before, Polaris simply had not been in the sky. 

But maybe there was a reasonable explanation for it. 

Maybe she had gotten a concussion from, oh, falling out of a plane perhaps. Or the shock had temporarily scrambled her brain. Or the church girl had gotten her poison talons under her skin and sapped Toni of all rational thought. Anything was more probable than Polaris not being in the _sky_. They were on their way to Hawaii for Pete’s sake. They were still in the Northern Hemisphere. There was no other reasonable explanation. 

That night, she volunteered to watch the fire first, hoping to get some time to herself. She needed to check for Sirius — in her panic at Polaris being missing, she had forgotten that Sirius had never failed her and hadn’t even looked for him in the southeast. 

The dark snuck up on them; when the sun ducked under the horizon, they were submerged in almost total darkness and before the girls went to sleep, Toni paced impatiently, waiting for privacy for her nightly reunion. 

She heard soft snores coming from Dot, who only let herself rest when she knew everyone else was safely tucked into their sandy perches, and immediately craned her neck skyward. For a moment she was overwhelmed with just how clear the sky actually was. Rural Minnesota didn’t have much light pollution by any means, but the absolute clarity of the sky was her first real indication of how alone the eight of them were on the island. She didn’t let herself dwell on that for long, the thought of it scarier than she was willing to admit. 

Toni’s eyes scanned the southeast edge of the sky desperately, hoping Sirius would shine through, showing up when she needed him. But the southeast was unfamiliar, and so was the southwest. 

She wasn’t catching any of the constellations she knew as intimately as her own heartbeat. The fear was rising in her, filling her ears with heavy breathing, panic craning her neck desperately, searching higher for anything recognizable, anything she could make into a comfortable, familiar shape. 

And then, suddenly, there he was. Sirius.

Upside-down somehow, but undeniably familiar, Canis Major extending past him.

She almost burst into loud sobs at the familiar gleam of the star, jumping up and pivoting until she found Orion’s belt pointing her right to Taurus. Familiar friends welcomed her home, promised that she would be safe, promised that they hadn’t gone anywhere, that they were just changing with her. 

She spent the entire night facing the stars, hands buried deep in the sand, tracing out their forms and re-drawing all her star maps from memory to compare them to the light above her. 

Eventually, Toni started to recognize her old nightly companions. She volunteered for night shifts as often as she could, saying that she’d be wide awake for a while anyway. Really though, she was relearning the patterns she’d spent nine years carving into her soul. 

She was quiet about it (there was panic enough from the other girls), but she was almost certain that their little island was somewhere in the Southern Hemisphere, which was pretty fucking bad news for kids who were supposed to be in a Hawaiian paradise. 

But at the same time, she couldn’t help but appreciate the way the entire sky was open to her. The complete and untainted majesty of the Milky Way spreading its arms for her to embrace it. 

If the island was going to kill her sometime, she hoped it would be under that clear night sky.

  
  


_age 17_

Shelby was...not doing great. 

It was unfortunately obvious to Toni, which had to mean that everyone else knew too. Although, Toni did admit to herself that she might have been paying a little more attention to Shelby since their moment in the woods. 

The day after Shelby had broken down, cut hair and all, she woke up and quickly disappeared into the woods. Avoiding everyone’s worried eyes, she claimed that she would be back soon with some water, denying that she needed a buddy. They all stared after her, concerned. It simply would not do to have one of them missing if the plane came by again, but water was always good to have, especially since they were running low on food after the day before. 

Still, Toni nudged a concerned looking Dot into action who grabbed her trusty staff and jogged into the woods, calling for Shelby to wait up. The rest of the girls kept their attention fixed firmly on the horizon, expecting the plane to reappear at any minute. They knew a full rescue would be difficult to mobilize quickly, but when Shelby and Dot returned with clean water, and the entire day passed, tempers other than Toni’s began to flare. 

The girls each retreated to as private a spot as they could find, close enough to the fire to stay warm. Toni, as she often did, took the first turn tending the flames.

She went to grab an extra stick or two from the pile they had accumulated and nodded her nightly hello to Sirius where he waited in the sky. She also greeted what she thought might have been Canopus. If her theory was right, if they were in the Southern Hemisphere, then the star that seemed almost as bright as Sirius _had_ to be the Great Star of the South. Pisces and Pegasus flew above her, and with her eyes pointed up, she would have tripped over the girl shaking on the ground, too far from the camp to be comfortable, if a slight sniffle had not broken her reverie. 

“Holy _shit_ , dude, what the _fuck_!” she exclaimed, dropping the twigs she had collected. “Oh, uh...are you okay? Uh—Shelby?” Toni asked. 

Shelby was obviously not okay. It was a bad question in retrospect, and one look at her made Toni’s heart sink. 

She was no expert at comforting. That was always Martha’s domain, or Regan’s; Toni was usually the one falling apart at the seams. 

She shifted uncomfortably at Shelby’s continued silence, at the half-hearted shrug the other girl gave and at the way Shelby’s eyes never lifted off the sand she was burying her feet in. 

Toni was out of her depth but she put the sticks down gingerly and sat herself carefully next to Shelby on the beach. She kept her arm just out of reach of Shelby’s, their legs just far apart enough that they were both aware of the magnetic pull of their pulses. Shelby shivered once but tried to quell it when Toni turned her head to look over at her. 

“You know,” Toni started, “When I was eight, I had this really great foster family.” She looked back out over the ocean, the moon large in the sky, but not bright enough to obscure thousands of pinpricks of light illuminating the space between them. 

“My foster dad, Henry, he had this old telescope, and every night he’d pick me up and teach me how to piece together pictures in the sky. And if I had a hard time sleeping, he’d sit up with me. He’d tell me about how the Greeks believed the gods would put the worthiest heroes, the most impressive monsters into the sky so that even after they were gone, no one would forget them.”

Toni glanced back over at Shelby, just to see if the other girl was listening. Shelby’s gaze was raised off of the black sand, to the horizon line. Toni figured she’d count that as a win and kept going. 

“You know Hercules, right? He made one of the gods really upset, just sort of by being born, so she cursed him to have to do a ton of impossible tasks, just some really fucked up shit. But because his dad was a god too, he managed to figure it out, one by one. And most of the time, when he managed to beat a monster or finish a task, his dad would put the monster’s image in the stars. So now, a lot of the constellations the Greeks left us have to do with him. He fought this big ass crab and beat it and the Greeks called it Cancer,” and here, Toni paused, tracing the constellation, feeling Shelby’s eyes following her finger. 

“And he fought this massive, unkillable lion and beat it and that became Leo, over here,” and she connected the dots before speaking again. 

“There this giant bull too, that was terrorizing a town or something before he killed it, and when it was put up in the sky, they called it Taurus.”   
  
She kept talking, pulling on a reserve of stories she had memorized long ago and stored somewhere deep in her chest. It felt like an endless supply, almost a decade of dreaming of the stars and how to reach them. 

Toni told Shelby all of the stories she could remember until she heard Shelby’s soft sniffles fade into gentle, easy breathing. Until she saw Shelby’s head begin to lean back and face skyward. And when she finally ran out of words, finally ran out of breath, the two of them sat side by side. They stared at the heavens, suddenly alive with heroes and monsters grappling at each other, at love stories and tragedies and every sort of ending, memorialized in the stars. 

Toni looked over at Shelby again and took in her side profile for a moment, content with watching the other girl watch the sky. She followed Shelby’s gaze, and found her looking straight up above, where Sirius sat perched, brightest star in the sky, her loyal Dog Star, grinning down at them. 

Mustering up all of the courage she had, she broke the silence settling in between them. 

“The moral of the story, I guess, was that Hercules didn’t _do_ anything to deserve all the shit he went through. The only thing he did was be born. His dad was a prick and his family couldn’t do shit about it. That’s all. And he suffered for it,” Toni steeled herself, knowing that her next words could be taken combatively even if she _really_ didn’t mean them to be. 

“I know that all your church shit is messing with you, Shelby. And I’m not saying that your life is like, a series of fucking god curses, or labors or _whatever_. I’m really not trying to tell you anything. But even Hercules had help sometimes and he was the strongest demigod they ever saw.”

They were both still for a moment. Toni, internally cursing that she had ever said anything at all, trying to convince her stubborn body to let her run away, when Shelby moved suddenly, purposefully, closing the inch of distance between their bodies. 

Toni felt the heat from Shelby’s side blossom along her body, comets sparking a flaming trail from every point of contact. Shelby gave a little shiver, and Toni reached for her hand, lacing their fingers before her spirit failed her. 

The two girls sat there, facing the ocean. The wind whispered gently into their hair, urging them closer, and the moon and waves waited quietly, watching them puzzle through their deepest feelings. 

Up above, the stars danced, performing for their audience of two, and Sirius galloped joyfully across a clear open sky.

**Author's Note:**

> BIG shouts to kat for reading thru and editing and the good folks on twitter for bullying me into finishing!
> 
> find me on twitter to talk/shout/scream about this show: @nonfrictionary


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